Attack of the MBA

Some Sweeping generalizations

The MBA is the most useless degree on the planet. You don’t learn any actual skills — instead you learn how to parrot the sayings and actions of the various case studies you read. You learn how to create really complicated spreadsheets based on bullshit numbers. You learn how to pretend, exaggerate, and manipulate.

You learn that there’s no such thing as people. They are “resources”. Your engineers aren’t Jane, Paul, and Steve the intern. They are $20K/month, $15K/month, and $8K/month. More accurately, they are entries in a spreadsheet.

MBAs view the world via pattern-matching. They look for superficially familiar things, then confidently engage as though they understand the deepest truths about them. They ignore the damage their engagement causes. Or maybe they don’t even notice it as they “juice the numbers” to improve the dollar value in the bottom right cell of their excel tab.

They love to talk, to dig deep, to “get into it”. The have a story to match everyone else’s. They know a bit about everything and if they don’t, they’ll make something up. They don’t do actual work — but they do love meetings. They will “SWOT” away criticism of their methods by doubling down on “OKRs” to maximize “ARR” and achieve “organic growth”.

The cash-colored glasses they hand newly minted MBAs with their degree aren’t meant to help them see opportunity. They are meant to distract and obscure their view of the destruction they leave behind.